April 16, 2008

Dear Diary!

Hello Everyone!

How have you been?



Lady with hat & GlovesI was cleaning out a closet and came across my very first diary.  When I was young, every little girl had a "Dear Diary" with the little lock and key.  All my girlfriends had one too and we all wrote our secret thoughts and most confident information stored in that little Diary that was kept so private!  We were all so anxious to grow up and wear lipstick and high fashion clothes............Oh and the high heels!

JournalWhen I think back at my first Widow's Meeting seven years ago....to my surprise....we were told that keeping a diary or a journal can be a lifesaver.  For some, writing is an unbearable chore but for me keeping a journal was not new..............just my writings became new.   We were instructed that frequency in writing was not important and literary merit was not important either.  It was just putting your tears on paper and jabbering about so many things and going in so many different directions.  Their theory was, it was cheaper than seeing a shrink!  I now understand the theraputic results from keeping a Journal then and now.

Another woman told me she could not write and did not know how to keep a Journal.  I told her to at least try.....no instructions are necessary.  You can direct your diary/journal to yourself, or the familiar "Dear Diary".  As for me, my personal Journals then were in letter form directed to my deceased husband.  I was writing letters to my dead husband!  My need to talk to him at that time was overwhelming, there was no one else to whom I could expose that part of myself when I was grieving and hurting so badly because it happened so suddenly without any warning.  I was in shock for a very long time.

Then as the days, weeks, months and years went by..........One day I reread my letters I wrote to my husband in my own handwriting and noticing that my hand must have been shaking as I normally have a very neat, meticulous penmanship......I read each page and I cried for the person who wrote it..."Me".  As I read each page, I saw a person healing, it was like watching a clinical progress chart on how I was coping day by day.........wow reading all that anguish and confusion and then more anger and finally..........resolution.

I no longer write to my dead husband and I now keep a Public Journal and these days, I see more comedy than tragedy and more hope than despair.  I was overcoming and surviving.  A lot of years has gone by now.  I have become my own best friend.

I recently had another friend that said she could never do a Public Journal and talk about themselves.  Well, it's not like standing in front of a podium and talking to a large group of people............and yet it is....you just can't see their faces and you don't need a microphone!  I feel like the only person I'm entertaining is myself until I started to receive numerous "comments".  I was pleasantly surprised!

PhotobucketNo makeup needed and skip the evening gown and high heels!  Dressed for comfort in front of your own computer just expressing your feelings or sharing a special day with someone else.  Or sharing some special photos of a fabulous vacation....so much to talk about even though it's only you sitting in front of that computer.  Yes, I'm blessed with many friends but I've always loved to write and through this Public Journal, I have made many new friends in the amazing world of cyberspace.

Nail polishI've learned to become a mechanic, repair a leaky toilet, install a new garbage disposal and all the things my husband would take care of.  Yeah, my biggest complaint about doing these new chores was breaking a nail!  LOL  Oh...and swearing a lot.....LOL

computerI do have to say, I would be absolutely lost without my computer. 



I don't need a pet, I have a robot vacuum cleaner called a Roomba....it feels like you have a pet in the house....I just click on the button and it goes about the entire house vacuuming all the dust bunnies and dirt away and when it comes near my feet while I'm at the computer, I just raise my feet so she can continue on cleaning!  It is a riot....and a lot easier on my sore back pushing a heavy upright.  It cleans very well too!  I call her "Little Rosie"!

Well, time for me to get comfy and finish reading the book "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert.  My dear friend, Laurie gave this book to me to read.  I'm loving the author's description of her journey through Italy!


P.S.  Can you tell I'm hooked on all this graphic stuff???  And, my animations are moving!!!!!  Yippee...Hey, Dan (slapinions)  I never learned how to add music but my animations were more important to me.  But I do appreciate all your help from the day I wrote my first entry....you were somewhere out there in the w.w.w reading it!


1 comment:

  1. I did notice the graphics are moving...congratulations! As for writing a journal...I tried every way possible to write one, even going to the point of buying expensive hand made paper bound journals. I would start out writing and end up tearing a page out here and there, before you know it I had multiple covers with no pages. I think at the time I wasn't ready to accept or allow myself to remember and deal with what I needed to.

    I started my AOL journal on a lark to keep track of progress I made the first year with Pickles...as we well know it definitely became something more. It does help you heal and find yourself one piece at at time, one entry and memory put to rest and dealt with at a time...(Hugs) Indigo