August 12, 2010

On a Scale from 1 to 10!


On a Scale from 1 to 10!

What am I without a man? We Widows for some reason place ourselves on the negative side of the ledger if we are without a man. In my Widow’s Group, if someone is dating or getting married, the congratulations are glowing.

When we were young, we were taught to be wives and mothers, we were not taught or prepared to be Widows.

I think congratulations are equally in order when a Widow writes out her first check and makes her first major decision all by herself to buy a high ticket item. I recall how I felt the first time I went to the movies all by myself or ate in a restaurant alone. I realized that I can appreciate my own company and most importantly, I can realize the difference between loneliness and solitude. I won’t lie; there will be many boring long days and nights. But, think about it, you can have those feelings when there is someone in your life too sometimes!

I loved being married and being a couple. It was wonderful but then again marriage is not for everyone either. Being a couple is not necessarily better than living alone and without a man in your life.

A woman can be celibate without sacrificing her sexuality and sexual without compromising her independence. It is wonderful to have good friends in your life. Actually, it is very important to have family and good friends to share fun days with.

We are all survivors when we go from widowhood to selfhood. I didn’t say it was easy, as it came with a great deal of coping and overcoming. You may not even recognize yourself after you experienced the long hard journey filled with fears and tears. We all still have good days and bad days, however, no matter how many years have gone by; acceptance is the key in order to go forward with you life.

Sometimes, I feel because a woman is alone, others take advantage and challenge you and put you in uncomfortable situations on purpose or take advantage of your time and kindness because they must think you must have so much time on your hands. That recently happened to me this past week and I didn’t appreciate being used that way.

I’m grateful that I have a good friend that brought to my attention that it is o.k. not to feel guilty about such things and to stop others from taking advantage of my time. Thank you dear friend, you know who you are.

My comfort zone feels safe again and relaxing. It takes a great courage to do what is unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Your self esteem rises along with your self confidence.

We all fear the new and find comfort in the stability in what we know is familiar. So, having to cope with all the unknowns, I think I’m doing o.k.

So, I think I am a 10 without a man!


  1. I'm not so sure what I am on that scale. Some days it could be a 10. I've not adjusted yet to being alone and I've been a widow now for 18 years come November. I do try to make the most of each day and enjoy it as I can but thankfully I do have family that helps me when needed and is always there for some support. It's a life I never would have chosen, but it's where I've been placed so I'm blooming where I'm planted as they say.

  2. Thanks for posting this It is a big help to me

  3. I'm a widow, too, so I can really relate to today's blog!
    yes, you are a 10!
    By the way, I loved being married
    but I'm not minding this great single life either!!! LOL

    I'm sending this to my cousin who just recently became a widow.
    Nice blog, Rose!


  4. Garnett,

    You are in my prayers daily. I know how difficult it is losing a spouse.

    You are getting stronger each day. I can't believe it has been a year already for you losing your darling, wife.

  5. Always difficult to lose a loved one, glad you have recovered so well.

  6. Hi Rose,
    Good for you for standing up to whoever it was that tried to take advantage, assumed you had "time" on your hands. So often people who behave like that aren't even aware they're doing it.

  7. wE LOVE TO COME BY THIS BLOG. You are always dropping great solid ideas and advive for folk.

    We have watched our friends and family deal with the loss of a loved one and 'become one again'. I remember the pride in my youngest sister when she bought her car by herself.

    Sherry and I both read this knowing that one of us will face the same thing one of these days. We don't live in dread, but good advice is stored back.

    Love you Rose,
    Sherry & Jack in HOT Missouri

  8. This was so very inspiring. Bravo! Being divorced, I remember those early days trying to get back on my feet. Not easy. Thanks for this, Rose. God bless you, my friend. Have a super weekend, hon. xox

  9. I guarantee you're a 10 ! To hell with guilt! Have a good time and let the chips fall where they may.

    We went out Thursday night and went to bed at 2:30 am. So what did I miss, Larry King?


  10. well put! this should be required reading for all women older than 18!


  11. I guess I have always felt that we are who we are because of who we were. Every little aspect of our lives made us what we are today.
    It is hard for me to know how difficult it is to have lost a loved one like that, a part of who they were is a part of who you are.
    That is yours forever....
    God bless dear friend

  12. This is a very nice post, Rose. I'm glad you are doing well, and making sure you don't let anyone take advantage of you. I'm sure this is an encouraging post for women who have been recently widowed, and even for those who have been widowed for some time.