March 2, 2009

Where Did I Put My Mind?

Did you ever feel like you are experiencing the “crazies” where you spend a maddening amount of time looking for things you had in your hand only minutes ago or had logically filed away for safe-keeping?

I know many of us multi-task and our minds are on overload. I know on one level I am doing and performing demanding tasks and making decisions and on the other level, I’m confused and upset that just because I’m a widow and alone now doesn’t mean that I cannot take on a challenging task without having to hire someone to do it for me, as I was always an independent woman even when my husband was alive.

I know it is very important to develop interests or hobbies and staying involved in activities that stimulate both the mind and body. I try giving careful attention to physical fitness and exercise as I know it will go a long way toward keeping a healthy state of mind.

I have a bad back now so; therefore, lifting heavy objects leaves me at the mercy of a neighbor or a handyman and having to pay a fee for all these things I used to do on my own in my earlier years. I used to paint and wallpaper….climb ladders, drive through blizzards when I lived in New England and now I turned into a wimp and terrified of driving on I-95 here in Florida. LOL

Yes, I guess I have reached that age where I have to write things down and create my own To Do List otherwise I surely would forget. My memory used to be perfect….now hmmmmmmmmm! Sigh! Gosh, I’m making myself sound ancient but when you feel your memory is starting to fail…….it certainly becomes a serious concern.

I know I have envy lurking in my bones when I see a married couple in a restaurant but at times like that I am better able to relish my unencumbered single-hood as many years has gone by now. I’ve noticed that a little reality goes along way toward restoring a balance between the poor me and the new me. I’ll look over at my girlfriend and realize we don’t have to rush home or be home at a special time after a day of shopping and stopping for a bite to eat.

This same particular day, I joined my friends for lunch and one of my friends who is also widowed looked at me from across the table after I was starring at the same couple I was admiring and she said: “You know, as much as I loved my husband I could not marry him today……not since I found that I have a mind of my own.” That coming out of her mouth took me back a bit. I guess if you were totally dependent upon your spouse and you grew to a new person, perhaps I can understand her feelings. I, on the other hand I had a career and was always capable to taking care of myself and raising my children and my house. I then realized that my friend and I were both missing two different things about being married. I was missing the love and affection and missing being a couple and my friend was cherishing the new found life she was deprived of as a married person by being so dependent upon her spouse. She said if her husband could come back to life, he would not recognize the woman she has become. Interesting how women take different paths after a life changing event.


Lunch with the girls

15 comments:

  1. I'm like you and have been independant for a long time and didn't need to loose my husband to prove I could do things on my own. I really miss the companionship more than anything. I don't like being alone but have never met anyone else in all these years. It will be 17 years now since he's gone. I sometimes think I spend half my life in the research department looking for things. I try to make lists but don't always get it all down and I should.

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  2. My, that is a VERY different perspective, isn't it? I'm like you...I would miss it. I spent about 15 years on my own, so I got my ya-ya's out then! LOL

    Hon, don't feel bad about your list-making. I've made lists for years, and I'm getting to the point where I almost have to leave myself a note: "Be sure to check your list!" :)

    Hugs, Beth

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  3. Oh rose I'm 41 and I have had to have a list for at least 20 years. I think its just the end result of us doing so much multi tasking, nothing to do with age at all.
    Being alone, you know I dont know if that would be a bad thing for me because I like being alone. But I probably like it because I am surrounded by so much noise now. I dont know. I'd probably go move in with my sister, she's very interesting and we could be like the two sisters on Practical Magic because she is a wiccan, nevermind that I am not I could just be entertained by it all. I am in no position to judge anyone anymore and she happens to be my nicest sister!
    :-D

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  4. I too look at couples when out and think how fortunate they are to have the gift of growing old together.

    Love what you wrote. BTW, I missed you Saturday evening we were lucky and the comedian was hilarious!

    Love alli.

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  5. Love your blog! I feel the same way too. I don't multitask very well at all.

    Carolyn

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  6. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MAKING TO DO LIST I TAUGHT STRESS MANAGEMENT CLASSES AND THAT IS ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS YOU HAVE PEOPLE DO MAKE LIST MOST IMPORTANT AT TOP LEAST IMPORTANT AT BOTTOM. WHEN THINGS STAY IN THE MIND THEY SEEM BIGGER AND MORE THAN WHEN WRITTEN DOWN AND AS YOU FINISH AND CHECK IT OFF THE LIST YOU HAVE A FEELING OF ACCOMPLISHMENT. SO IT IS NOT JUST FOR THE OLDER FOLKS WHO HAVE A SENIOR MOMENTS FROM TIME TO TIME BUT A GOOD LESSON FOR YOUNGER ONES TO LEARN ALSO.

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  7. been making list for about 10 yrs now. so you're not alone.
    i know all about having to pay someone to do things for me. grrr
    as for the hubby, i wish i could've had a good man to grow old with, for the love & affection. but not to be.
    have a lovely week.
    huggies...

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  8. Shame to hear of the friend that felt liberated now. Hope you find more companionship in the near future.

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  9. The thing about making lists is remembering to take them with me when I go shopping. I leave them on the table , then I have to remember what was on the list, which is good for my memory.

    It snowed like fury here yesterday, snow and ice all over the place. A few years ago I would have walked through it to get some place. Now I don't dare. You are not alone. DB

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  10. My Sherry has always been independant. I am glad. She is her own person. I expect her to miss me when I am gone, I hope she does not feel liberated. LOL

    I believe I understand exactly what you are saying in the entry. I admire you for it. Sister Shirl is an independant lady, I think she likes us living in her back yard some, but always would be too much. She enjoys her own life. Jim passed about three years ago.

    Sherry and I look at each other often now, and realize, soon one of us will be left. We also know we are fortunate to be growing old together, but I think one always goes, before it has been long enough. As I said, the entry is good, and I enjoyed it and received some insight.
    Jack

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  11. I think I would rather be alone and happy, than with someone and not happy. Sounds like you were blessed in marriage, and you've found a way to be content with being alone. God Bless!

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  12. Although I do make lists of things to do, I find that as long as I have a healthy breakfast, my mind works fine. Also, I find that as long as I have a healthy breakfast, my mind works fine.

    Jimmy

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  13. I like the idea of lists. I just need to remember ; MAKE IT, TAKE IT AND USE IT.... i usually get home and look at the list on my counter and see how good I was at getting what I needed.

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  14. Wow that was a very different take on things. For me, I dread saying this...I've become a little more dependent on others with my deafness.

    Yet being married to Paul has it's elements of me still feeling single. For one he's a musician and anything outside of his music is foreign to him. I do all the painting and fix-up repairs in the house. Add in the fact he is gone from 7:30 in the morning and doesn't walk back in the door until 8 or later at night 5 days a week. The weekend and holidays are spent with him off playing gigs non-stop. It's almost humorous when we do get to spend time together it feels like we're dating. Yet on so many levels it works for the independent lone wolf aspect of me. (Hugs)Indigo

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  15. Ma, this not smoking thing is harder than I anticipated. Although I'm doing good, I'm not doing as good as I hoped. Still smoking about 5 butts a day, but it's better than the usual 20 I used to smoke! Thank you for my special shout out! P.S. What is "Area 51"? Luv U. See U Soon!

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