May 23, 2009

Involuntary Choices!

Library/booksThis Memorial Day weekend left me with nothing to do. I have some friends that are away on vacation and others busy doing the “Couple” thing, so I decided to head out to our new amazing library in Boca. The place is so beautiful and enjoyable to read a good book.

Such a rainy, nasty day out. Normally, I prefer to sit outside in the beautiful patio area of the library but the weather forced me inside. I noticed, many others had the same idea to spend the day at the library and most tables were full in the cafeteria section.

Two nice ladies looked at me with my book in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other and said “Please join us, we have two other chairs here at our table”. I felt a bit uncomfortable but thanked them and sat down. We exchanged our names and where we lived, yatta, yatta.

Since they looked like they were in my age group, it didn’t surprise me that one stated she was also a Widow and the other was Divorced. Sad.

Well, they didn’t seem to feel uncomfortable spilling their personal life and chatting in front of me while I was reading my book which is why I went there in the first place. They kept asking each other “How are you doing”. I used to hate that question because it is a foolish and stupid question to ask a Widow or Divorcee, as the answer to that is already obvious. Plain awful! A squeeze of the hand or a hug from a friend goes far more than stupid questions like “How are you doing”!

The Widow was expressing how lonely she is and her discontent with her four children who all live in other states and lucky if she receives a couple of phone calls a week from any of them. Hmmmmmmmmm I was thinking to myself……having children is no insurance policy and guarantee that you will not be left alone as you get older.

The other lady was terrified of living alone after her divorce. She was so dependent on her spouse for everything. The divorce was not a mutual consent. He left her for a younger woman. Hmmmmmmm Some women prefer to stay in a marriage even though it is emotionally draining them but they are more afraid of what’s on the other side and the financial situation, yatta, yatta. She too, also expressed that she thought her children and grandchildren should spend more time with her but they have their own lives.

Sigh! Thinking to myself, I’ve been on both sides of the track and I could relate to both their fears and concerns but ladies.......get a life!

Then they turned to the topic of aging and losing that youthful look. One was trying to convince the other to do the Botox thing. They then included me in the conversation and asked if I were interested in joining them for a Botox party. I declined not because I don’t want to get rid of some wrinkles and would love to look a bit younger but I refuse to put toxins such a poison in my body through a needle! Plus, it is so costly and you have to keep it up every three months to maintain that look even if you keep it light without heavy doses of that toxic liquid….I don’t like that “Plastic” look. Just stroll down any avenue in Boca and you will see that look! Not pretty! Men don’t like it either so listen up ladies!

I have, however, seen some good facelifts on some friends that weren’t pulled too tight and they did not go overboard trying to look like “Barbie”.

If it is your choice to go under the knife and try to regain your youth……go right ahead and if you choose to let your wrinkles show the character in your face…….by all means leave them there.

Bottom line, we all have choices……. some choices are not voluntary ones…….. some are! Becoming a Widow is not by choice……….being left for another woman is also not by your choice……….Choosing to do something with your life to make yourself happy is your “Choice”.


  1. Hey Rose, I like this insightful entry. Thanks for some of the advice also. I am guilty sometimes of that question, 'How are you doing?'
    I like your library peeker!
    I also agree with you on the aging processes and toxins or foreign matter being injected.
    Take are and I hope the weekend is good and relaxing.
    We are learniing that It is a fact, one day, no matter if the marriage lasts like ours 50+yrs., one day, one of us will be alone. WE try to learn from folks who have experienced it, WE do know that reality cannot be experienced until it is here.
    All I am trying to say is thanks. You have said some good things, ROSE lady.
    Jack & Sherry

  2. I love your graphics...yes, your post is so true.
    Loney people do terrible things sometimes to fill the void.
    I like to see someone with a few wrinkles, adds character to their face. Shows they have lived life and enjoy it.

  3. Hi Rose,
    We have a name here in Southern California for folks who either have too much Botox or have gone under the surgeon's knife once too often: We call them "Refried Beans."

  4. Great post Rose! At some point in life we are all left alone so you might as well be happy with your own company, at least thats my philosophy. I've been married for 20 yrs on june 9th and while i dont see divorce in my future i know that physical life is not forever and unless we "go" together in an accident, one of us will be alone for a time. Scares me a little bit but what do you do? Just keep going.
    I almost died during some emergncy surgery, then afterwards got a pulmonary embolism, then a car accident..... so i would never go under the knife willingly, to me thats tempting the gods who seem to want to make me an angel every time i turn around so no way no surgery for me babe!

  5. I agree with you=get a life! plus i like the natural look. wrinkles show wisdom and if you want to take a few years off, just dye your hair-i did that once! here's hopin' you enjoy your weekend! God it seems 4ever since i've visited you-where have i been! Hugz~kbear

  6. Hi Rose,

    Well I guess you got an earful when you just wanted to enjoy your book. I myself think you are right about injecting poisons into your body. I guess you really have to be secure with yourself inside to not worry about what others think of your outside. I felt bad reading about the ladies husband who left her for another but to depend on a man for everything is not a way to go through life. I have seen it with many of my older customers who lose there spouse and they call me with no idea how to even pay their insurance bills, it makes me sad. I love Boca it is so beautiful I hope the weather gets better for you and you have a nice weekend.

  7. I'm hoping to get some Botox injections in the next few years.

    Have a good Memorial day!

  8. Rose:

    Once again I say wish we lived closer. Even thou we are in the same State is still is a good distance away.
    Love the graphic with the person behind the books.
    Hugs Janice

  9. Dear Rose: There is no need to be so lonely when you realize just how many friends you have and how many people truly care for you. I am sending you a "cyber hug" and wishing you a meaningful Memorial Day. Be well, Joe

  10. Ah Rose! What a great piece you've written. I am also alone this weekend, but then I'm always alone so what difference does it make. I have no family to call me, no local friends to visit me. When people ask me what it's like to live alone I say it's great. I keep excellent company with myself, I agree with almost everything I say, I don't bitch at myself for leaving dishes in the sink and when I come home everyone here is glad to see me. I look in the mirror and I see the face of an old worn out shoe with whiskers. So what. No Botox or surgeon's knife for me. Life is hard. We lose friends, family, pets. Things change. Your advice to those ladies "Get a life" is quite appropriate. "Stop complaining and deal with things as they are" I would say. There is stil a lot of life to be lived and a lot of joy to be found in living. Your post sure brings that to mind. Thank you Rose.


  11. Loved your post about the ladies and if only they could heed your advice to get a life. Unfortunately for those seeking outward appearance, the knowledge that true beauty comes from within and can not be gained by a needle or stitches. The wise men see this and admire that least my husband of 30 years feels that way and we have enjoyed me getting every wrinkle I own!

    Thanks so much for stopping by...look forward to reading more! Ol' Blue Eyes, too!

  12. Well said Rose - choice is what it is all about and using those choices wisely. Thank you for visiting French essence and your lovely comment, xv.

  13. Good advice, and glad that you did not fall into their pity party :o)

  14. Since I've been on my own 17 years now I guess I've learned the hard way that you cannot plan on your husband or your children to make you happy. It's true that I love being with my children but I do have a life that is my own and while visits are nice I don't depend on them for my happiness. It does no good to sit and whine. What does do good is to get on with your life and make the most of it.

  15. Glad to see a post from you, and always a delight to read, lol. I was thinking she is so right about the "stupid questions". I also just wished someone would call because all our mutual friends bailed, when I went thru my divorce. One later confided, he just did not want to get caught in the middle of having to choose sides. How thoughtful, so it was about him and not us and our pain. Sometimes people are just plain stupid, lol.

  16. Well said! I could never inject myself, either. This is my face - take or leave it, I say.

  17. I'll never be feeling the touch of the Botox needle, believe me. The botulinum toxin is one of the deadliest on the planet. I know that an injection is different from ingesting it, and you don't experience the same effects, but it's still nothing I want to mess with.

    I loved this post, and it reminds me of one of Cousin Shane's favorite quotes: Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. There are certain things that are beyond our control, and I think it says a lot about a person's character by how they react to it. Love, Beth

  18. Hey Rose,
    Thanks for the insightful read. I will be shrang this with my Sister-in-law. My brother has left her for a younger women (the Schmuck).
    Again thanks for sharing as always.
    PS lol forgot my PW & UN
    Hey at least I'm here.

  19. I don't like Botox or the idea of using it. I think one should with work with what one has and let the chips fall where they may.

    I also don't like surprises. I want the person I'm with to look more or less the same after the previous evening, Johnny Walker Black and normal wear and tear excepted.