Frazzled!

I learned to recognize that things are what they are, regardless of perceptions. I have to accept things as they are and not as I want them to be but I’m stubborn and I find it hard to accept certain things “just the way they are”. Strange, sometimes we welcome change and other times change takes us out of our comfort zone.

I try to check-in with myself now and then to see if these perspectives are working for me. I recently checked in my own radar system and said to myself…. I will never be alone on Christmas ever again. As I get older, I have to learn to gain greater inner control and smooth out the rocky road of life!

We have all heard Financial Planners on TV such as Suzie Orman say: Pay yourself first. Well, I think this theory applies to other things such as: Be good to yourself, trust yourself, know what you want and need. Put yourself first! I need to let my feelings be known. My feelings are important.

My girlfriend and I were discussing “feeling important” not that long ago.

Every time I need something, I talk myself out of it. Even if I can’t have it, it’s ok to need. Where there’s a will, there’s a way!  We both agreed that we have to transform frustration into an achievement.

Then I learned to get some perspective and step back and look objectively at the reasons why I get frustrated. I zeroed in and focused seriously on this matter and came to the conclusion that I don’t feel important.

Perhaps the distance between me and my family due to living in different states is the cause…….you know “out of sight, out of mind”. I was dwelling on the closeness I had for years yet now seems to be vanishing away and it scares me the older I get.

I know my frustrations were telling me something. I just had to find it and bring it to life and express my feelings. My mind was all over the map jumping from one issue to another. Gosh, I was a total mess over Christmas all because I was alone. It is terrible to be alone for Christmas. I come from a very large family and I was never alone. 

So, with nothing to do that day, as all my friends were jetsetting to visit their family, it only made me dwell on my “To Do” List and that most things on that list I don’t know how to do!  Sometimes, things just become overwhelming for an older women to do things around the house and handle repairs and make decisions and then try to figure out how the hell am I going to pay for this????

I was a little upset with myself because when I was younger, I was able to handle these matters that pop up but the older I get, I get the crazies trying to methodically find the right contractor, or can just a handyman take care of these freaking issues.

I remember when I was able to paint, wallpaper and dance around a 6’ ladder with ease. Well, I fell off of that freaking ladder not once but twice so NO MORE ladders for me so hence, no can do repairs nor do I want to do them either! Enough of this, when does it ever end?

They say: Life is what you make it. No one is responsible for your happiness, sadness or success. No one but you. Yes, you! We all have to take complete responsibility for ourselves and our choices we make are the ones that the allows us all to take that journey toward personal fulfillment.

I am well aware that accepting responsibility without excuses, frees your power to achieve. I know I'm responsible for my own wellbeing footprint!  But no one told me it all becomes more difficult to do all this stuff when you are alone and older!

OK….that venting felt good for a while! Oh the stress!  This rocky road has so many obstacles to climb.

Oh, and I won’t even discuss the new computer issues and troubleshooting, reading and more reading. Researching and more researching. I’m exhausted….where is that bottle of wine?

Whereas, Windows 7 has some nice features but I really liked my XP, it also seemed faster.