Looking Back!

Before computers, I always maintained a Journal. I came across the Journal I had put away after I said my goodbye to my deceased husband.

In those days, I was writing to him personally on a daily basis and not just the events of the day like a teenager would write in her “Dear Diary”. The Bereavement Group I was a member of suggested to do this as a form of therapy to help survive the bereavement process. A lot has changed since 2001.

On one page, I wrote: “Outside the weather is still hot here in South Florida but inside the bills are higher and listening to the News every night on TV, it seems like all around us the world is getting crazier! Scary!” The cost of living is so much higher and more difficult to handle everyday maintenance and household bills.

“I’ve made some changes in the house too…..a few needed repairs, some of which I attempted to do myself to save the cost of labor. The shower head no longer leaks. The noisy toilet is also fixed. It is not easy without you.” Decided to take up some Work Shop Lessons in Home Depot. Well, my friend, Laurie and I only went to one workshop so far! LOL

I have had three dates since you passed away 8 years ago. By choice, I prefer to no longer accept a date. No one can shine your shoes. Yet, I won’t lie, it is very lonely in the evenings with the clicker in your hand. Yes, I’m on the computer more these days than ever.

I miss ballroom dancing. I miss laughing so hard until my stomach hurts with your quick wit and sense of humor.

I enjoy the company of my girlfriends which many are also Widows! Becoming uncoupled and the interdependence suddenly appear as individual flaws. From the beginning, we Widows and Widowers share the same emotional crisis. We equally are bereft, confused, lost and brokenhearted. It seems that…………..that part does not change, as much as we try to create a new life for ourselves. Being older has a lot to do with it I’m sure. Oh my, I received my “Medicare” card in the mail and I was delighted to see it. Thought I’d never say those words! The cost of medical coverage is outrageous! I still miss my family in New England!

I stopped smoking and gained some weight! The smoking part, I know would make you happy as we both attempted to quit that disgusting bad habit countless times in the past……gaining weight, I know would disappoint you, as you always noticed if I put on so much as one pound! LOL

Time to put the handwritten Journal away again in the big “Time Capsule”. I seemed to have grown a long way since then but I still miss you!
Oh, the tangled web we weave here on the World Wide Web! How wonderful it is to have my Internet Friends to listen when I’m worried, cheer me up when I’m down, encourage me when I’m scared and console me when I’m defeated and to keep me company in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. Thank you!