Dinner For One!

 

Cooking for one for an "Italian" is very difficult.  We love to cook and in abundance.  But cooking just for yourself and creating such a mess of pots and pans to clean up and not to mention all the leftovers that I only end up giving to friends and neighbors.  Of course, some things you can freeze for another day.  I invite the girls over for dinner once in a while and we have a good time and I'm able to share my labor that I spent slaving over the stove for hours with friends.

 

I became a widow in 2001.  You would think that after all these years the empty feeling would go away.  I felt so fortunate to find a wonderful man while I was still in my fifties and after being divorced prior.  Being Divorced and being Widowed are not the same.  (I know that this section should probably go into "All about Me" but too long to place on a side bar) plus my main topic here is really about Widowhood!

 

I recall years ago, a newly divorced air head of a woman said to me, "You're luckier, I was dumped by my husband for a younger woman and given the choice, I would rather see the bastard dead".  Yikes, that was a mouthful..................Despite the lace of malice intended, these comments offered no comfort to me as a  grieving Widow at the time.  I felt I would do anything to have my husband alive.  My husband and I both felt blessed to have found each other later in life, as we both were married before.  Wow, we only had 4 short years together before he passed away. 

 

This world has enough sorrow and for me to add to it would be such a shame.  I occasionally still experience difficult days but I try real hard to balance out the bad that is beyond my control with the goodness that is within my reach.  I’m trying to do my best.

 

I realize that I don’t have to be the one responsible for making everything work.  Believe me.  The big things are already taken care of:  the sun will rise in the morning, the stars will come out at night, and ---if I work it right---my children’s love or a close, dear friend, will share a special smile with me and make everything wrong…right again.

 

Going from widowhood to selfhood is more than coping and overcoming.  I was dragged  unwillingly into this so-called life passage, as always there will be good days and bad days, fears and tears, and all the little inequities that comprise life at any time.  After attending many Widow Group Meetings and reading about "What to do now" I was told that acceptance is the final stage of recovery for widows and sometimes I feel I have reached that stage and sometimes I feel I took 5 steps backwards.  It is so hard to be totally independent again and to make a new life especially when you are older like myself and recently retired.

 

 

I'm originally from Boston, Massachusetts and born right in the "North End" where all the great Italian restaurants are.......(my daughter took this photo of the Boston Public Gardens and the Swan Boat rides) Oh...the memories! 

 

I currently reside in Florida with the sunshine and palm trees, however, I miss my children and family in New England.  I've been living in Florida for nearly 20 years now but I still miss Boston!  I even miss the snow but not shoveling it or skidding on ice driving in a snow storm............Oh my....I remember those days!  I would like to move back some day but the housing market right now is not the right time.

 

My computer has been a form of therapy for me.  I always kept a Journal of some sort....with a legal background....journaling is a must....so I also applied it to my personal life as well.  When I moved to Florida, I composed weekly Newsletters to my family for years and still do.  But, now I do a Journal/Blog which my daughter suggested for me to do.  She knows I love my computer and she thought this would be a good experience for me.

 

I recently was chosen as one of the Guest Editors Picks and was so delighted.  Thank you again, Dan (Slapinions).  I received tons and tons of emails from other Journalers expressing their congrats!  Wow!  I feel like I now have sooooooooo many new computer faceless friends out in cyberspace.  You are all so kind and thoughtful.  Glad you thought my Journal was worth being one of your picks!  That made may day!

 

So, now putting the key into the door doesn't feel so empty anymore............all I have to do is walk over to my computer and check my Journal/Blog as there is always a comment waiting for me.

 

So to Dan, Indigo, Val, Pam and gosh so many others.....I can't remember everyone's name right now.  What an amazing group of people in "Our Magic Smoke".  I'm so excited with all my new animations and mastered inserting them into the text of my Journal with the help of Val and Pam......I was determined to get it right and they had patience to help me along....Thanks everyone!

 

I'm loving my new red hair!  A woman has to make some changes.....dark brown hair was my natural color.

 

I also love my accomplishment of being smoke free since January, 2007!  Yippee!  The prescription Chantix helped me and also the fake cigarettes for the hand to mouth thing....still hold on them to this day....so relieved to be rid of the addiction!